I had my yearly appointment at the optometrist a few days ago and though I was able to leave Megan home napping while my brother-in-law babysat, I took Colin with me. At the end of the appointment, the doctor put drops in my eyes to make my pupils dilate so he could check for certain eye conditions. The drops took 20 minutes or so to take effect so he left the room. I decided to use the time to nurse Colin so that I could put him down for a nap as soon as we got home.
I was burping him on my lap when I looked down and realized that he was having what my sister likes to call a "poop-splosion." He had a t-shirt and shorts on and I can only describe what I saw coming out as lava from a volcano. I tried to catch as much of it as I could on a blanket, but I was too late and too slow. Poo was everywhere!! On Colin. On me. Everywhere.
And into this scene walked the doctor. Luckily he has kids so he didn't seem upset. I told him I would need a few minutes and he said it wasn't a problem. Then I could tell the smell had wafted in his direction because he got a funny look on his face and said "I'm, uh, going to go check on something."
I managed to get Colin changed and cleaned up and in a new outfit that happened to be in his diaper bag. My only foresight was in neglecting to pack an extra outfit for me. The lava poo had run all over my shorts so thickly that the bottom half of one leg was completely saturated and the other was pretty darn close. I tried to wipe with some water, but the stain, and the smell, obstinately remained.
The doctor finished the exam quickly and I was hoping to rush out of there as quickly as possible to avoid offending anyone else's sense of smell, but I had to wait another 20 minutes before I could order my contacts. I apologized to each unfortunate person who happened to sit next to my poo stained shorts and the poo filled diaper bag , but they were all mothers so I received a lot of "Oh honey, don't worry about it. I remember one time when..." stories.
I was proud of myself for not being too embarrassed but instead laughing it off. My only regret is that I didn't take a picture to prove to my brother-in-law who will become a father next month that "poop-splosions" really do exist!